This Moment
by Twix
Summary: Sirius Black, exhausted and weary, comes to visit an old friend, and learns he is not the only one broken.


This Moment

By Twix

Author's Note: I'd like to thank the Goo Goo Dolls for their song _Iris_, which has caused much inspiration for this story. And for Nita (She's a Star) for being my beta reader. This story contains mild slash - you have been warned. If slash is not your cup of tea, please consider using that lovely 'Back' button that is so readily available.

Disclaimer: None of these characters are mine, but you already knew that. They belong to the wonderful J.K. Rowling.

Dedication: This is for my best friend, Ellie, because I love her and will miss her so much next year. Congratulations on being converted to the R/S way of life, darling. ;)

__

And I'd give up forever to touch you

'Cause I know that you feel me somehow

You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be

And I don't want to go home right now

- _Iris_ by Goo Goo Dolls

Padfoot entered a small clearing in the woods and came upon a very worn, little house. The moonlight shone down on the house, giving it an eerie and spooky feel. Several shingles were missing from the roof, which was caving in and Padfoot thought the only way it was still staying up was by magic. The paint on the walls was peeling and the windows were dirty with grime. Padfoot walked around the right side of the house and found a garden. It held your basic vegetables and a few common plants. Padfoot noticed it was quite sparse and there weren't any magical plants. Behind the house, in the right hand corner of the yard was a shabby-looking windowless shed.

He quickly padded across the back of the house to a door. It was closed but unlocked, so he turned the doorknob with his paws. The house was exactly how he remembered. The backdoor opened into the kitchen, which was connected to the rest of the rooms since the house was so small. To his very right, there was the kitchen counter and cupboards with the sink, oven and stove. To his left there was the bedroom and next to that, the bathroom. Both doors were closed. At the front of the house was the small kitchen table for two. Sirius's chair was still there. Across from the table, on the other side of the house was the fireplace, armchair, and a small bookshelf that was fit to burst with dozens of books.

Padfoot looked around the house one more time and realized, if it weren't for the pot of Floo Powder on the fireplace mantle, he couldn't tell this house belonged to a wizard. He slowly padded up to the bedroom door, opened it and went in. The large double bed was still there, taking up most of the room. Sirius's dresser was there too; it was in the corner right next to the enormous bed so you could only open the top two drawers. Padfoot quietly walked up to the bed so his claws didn't clatter across the hardwood floor.

Remus lay underneath a thin blanket in the middle of the bed. As lightly as he could, Padfoot jumped up on to the bed. His paws were worn and bruised from the journey over and the soft, worn blanket felt wonderful underneath him. Remus looked as tired as ever and his brown hair was streaked with an unbelievable amount of grey hair. Sirius leaned forward and nudged Remus's neck with his wet nose. Remus woke instantly and sat up straight in bed. His eyes widened at the sight of Sirius and he let out a small gasp. Sirius and Remus stared at each other for a long while before Remus finally stepped out of the bed. He walked quickly out of the room and stood in front of the kitchen counter with his back to the bedroom. A moment later, he turned around, clearly looking shaken and with his eyes wide, he asked, "Would you like some tea?" If Padfoot had been in human form, he would have laughed. _Typical, _Sirius thought to himself. _When in doubt, make tea_. Padfoot jumped off the bed and transformed into a human. Sirius nodded at Remus, trying to ignore the look on his face.

Remus seemed to be terrified at the sight of Sirius. He was still wearing his grey and tattered Azkaban robes that hung limply on his thin body. His dark hair was longer and dirty and matted. The years of not having a proper meal had really effected his face. Instead of being handsome and youthful, it was now dark and sullen.

Suddenly, Remus shook his head and turned around to the stove to start making the tea. "You need to eat," he muttered under his breath as he bustled around preparing food for Sirius.

"I'm fine, Remus. Tea will be just –"

"Sirius, you're too thin and you're absolutely exhausted," Remus said firmly. "You need to eat."

Sirius sighed and walked over to lean on the counter. "He's back, Remus."

Remus dropped the kettle in the sink and spun around on his heel to face Sirius. "He's _what?_ I – but, how do you know?"

"I was just at Hogwarts – that's where I came from. Harry was there to witness it."

Remus made a sound in the back of his throat. "How?"

"You remember Barty Crouch Jr.?" Remus nodded. "He was alive. His father was keeping him hidden and under the Imperius Curse. Eventually, however, he broke free from it and made contact with Voldemort and Wormtail –"

"So he did go straight to Voldemort," Remus said quietly, turning back to the sink.

"Of course," Sirius spat bitterly. "Anyway, Barty Crouch Jr. attacked Mad-Eye Moody. Using the Polyjuice Potion, he went to Hogwarts as Moody to teach. He was there to insure that Harry got past the tasks in the tournament. The Tri-Wizard cup in the last task was a Portkey, which sent Harry and Cedric Diggory – Amos Diggory's son – to Voldemort. Cedric is dead."

"I taught Cedric," Remus said in an odd, strangled voice. "How's Harry?"

"Safe," replied Sirius. He ran his hand over his face. "Oh, Merlin, he's safe. It's amazing that he made it. I was so worried..." Sirius trailed off with a shudder and pushed against the counter to pace around the kitchen. "I'll explain in more detail, Remus. Right now I'm too tired."

"I know you are," Remus said quietly. He paused a moment before, "Why are you here, Sirius?"

"Dumbledore said to come here and he'll contact me. I'm to contact 'the old crowd'. I assume he wants to reorganize the Order."

Remus nodded. "We'd have to now." The kettle started to whistle and Remus picked it up off the stove. "I still have some of your old clothes, if you'd like to get cleaned up." His mouth twitched into a smile. "And I imagine you'd like to get out of those robes finally."

Sirius grinned. "That would be great."

"Would you like to eat first?" Remus asked.

Sirius nodded fervently. "Yes, thank you."

"Have a seat then," Remus said, taking out a plate and silverware. He put four small sausages and two pieces of toast onto the plate. "It isn't much, I'm sorry. I haven't been to the grocery store for awhile."

"No, no, you're fine. Thank you." Sirius took the plate and wearily sat down at the table. "Is there anything for you?"

Remus sat down across the table from Sirius. "Don't worry about me, I'm fine. I'm not very hungry anyway. Full moon in a couple of days."

Sirius looked up from his food with a concerned look, which was already halfway gone. "How have you been, Moony?"

Remus smiled at the old nickname. "I've been alright." He looked Sirius in the eye for a moment. "I would ask you how you're doing, but that seems a little silly, doesn't it?"

Sirius swallowed the last sausage and smiled. "I suppose, but I've been alright nonetheless. I've stayed safe and hidden. Hungry, mostly. Rats aren't very filling, you know."

"You've had nothing but rats for one whole year?"

Sirius shook his head as he swallowed a bit of toast. "Not completely. When I visited with Harry, Ron, and Hermione, they had food." He closed his eyes momentarily, relishing the memory. "They brought me chicken... it was wonderful." He then shook his head. "Anyway, I've been able to convince some village grandmas that I'm a lovable stray and sometimes they'd feed me. That Muggle dog food is disgusting, though." Sirius made a face, but stopped when he glanced up at Remus. "What's wrong?"

Remus looked away, embarrassed. "Nothing, nothing. It's just nice to see you making jokes..." He trailed off and began to stare at his teacup.

Sirius paused, looking at his empty plate, before saying, "Thank you very much for the food, Remus. Sorry if I cleaned out your cupboards."

"Don't worry about it," Remus said politely. He then walked out of the kitchen and into the bedroom. He pulled a box out from under the bed where most of Sirius's old clothing was kept. Picking up the box, he walked back into the kitchen. "I-I don't know why I kept them," he muttered, his face flushing a little. "Just in case, I suppose."

Sirius walked across the room to Remus, took the box and began to rummage through it. "Well, good thing you did, eh?"

"Yes. Yes, it is," Remus said softly. He leaned down to open up a cupboard underneath the sink. He pulled out a large basin and handed it to Sirius. "Still don't have a shower. Everything you need is in the bathroom. Oh, and you can use this if you need to." Remus took his wand from the counter and handed it to him.

"Thank you." Sirius walked into the small and cramped bathroom and set the basin on the floor. With a wave, soapy water began to pour of the tip of Remus's wand and fill the basin. Sirius then undressed and threw his rotting clothes onto the floor. There was no way he could wear them again, even if he wanted to. Sirius glanced in the mirror and froze. It had been a very long time since he had since himself. Sometimes in the lakes or rivers he would catch a glimpse of his gaunt face, but now that he had time to study his reflection, he found he couldn't bare to look at it. He didn't know the man staring back at him with soulless and blank eyes. He grimaced as he saw his black and rotten teeth. With Remus's wand, that would be fairly easy to remedy. He then took a washcloth off a rack on the wall and dipped it in the basin of water. With one swipe on his arm, the cloth was covered in dirt and grime. Sirius sighed. This was going to take longer than he thought.

Eventually, however, with a lot of soap and scrubbing and a little magic, Sirius was presentable. Sirius ran his tongue over his clean teeth and slipped into his old clothes, which were actually a little baggy, since he had lost so much weight. After quickly cleaning the bathroom, Sirius went out into the dark kitchen. Light was pouring in from Remus's bedroom and he quietly stuck his head through the doorway. Remus had, as Sirius predicted, fallen asleep reading. The book had fallen off his lap onto the bed and Remus's head drooped onto his chest. As quietly as he could, he leaned across the bed and lifted the book up. Remus stirred and his eyes blinked open.

"Hullo," Remus murmured sleepily, and Sirius felt his stomach squirm a little. He set the book on the nightstand, turned out the light, and slipped into the large, worn bed. Sirius was glad that there was no question as to the sleeping arrangements. It was just understood.

Sirius let a long, shuddering sigh as he settled into bed. Exhaustion seemed to seep into his bones and his eyelids grew heavy with sleep. But he couldn't sleep, he found. As it got later and later into the night, he grew more restless and uncomfortable. Suddenly, Remus was shaking his shoulder and whispering hoarsely, "Sirius! Sirius, what's wrong?"

"What?" Sirius said, jumping slightly.

"You're shaking and trembling all over," Remus replied, his tired eyes very bright and aware.

Sirius looked down and saw his entire body was trembling uncontrollably. "I-I guess I haven't been this still for so long..." He blinked back unexpected tears.

Remus leaned forward, concerned. "You can tell me, you know. If you want to. Or need to." He then reached out and brushed his fingertips against Sirius's forehead, pushing his hair out of his eyes. Sirius gasped as a dull shock went through him. Remus withdrew his hand quickly. "I'm sorry!"

Sirius began to tremble all over again. His voice got very quiet and hoarse. "Remus... please –"

"Please what?" Remus asked quietly. He turned on his side to look at Sirius.

Sirius swallowed hard. "Touch me." He ran a hand over his face. "It's been – Merlin, I don't know how long since I've felt the touch of a human. I mean, since I've _really_ been touched." He quickly glanced at Remus. "When you held me in the Shrieking Shack... I-I thought I would go mad. It... It had been so long and I –"

Remus suddenly placed his hands on Sirius's face, making him falter and lose his words in the tears that had begun to fall down his cheek. Remus moved his arm so it fell across Sirius's chest and he felt his ragged breathing as he began to touch him. His fingers flew across Sirius's forehead, temple and eyelids. Tears were now streaming down Sirius's face and Remus brushed them away with his thumb. He leaned forward and pressed his cheek against Sirius's. Sirius shivered underneath the weight of Remus's body and a dry sob escaped his lips. He tried to speak, but was silenced by Remus's mouth on his own. This touch alone made up for all twelve years without any human contact. As Remus pressed into him, he wrapped his arms around Sirius's thin, trembling body.

They lay there, holding each other for hours. Remus calmed him as they slowly began to breathe and move as one. Neither of them could sleep, despite how exhausted they were. Sirius felt his nerves finally begin to rest. He registered the fact that Remus's own face, now pressed against his chest as they lay together on the bed, was tear stained. Sirius then realized that Remus, however calm and strong on the outside, had fallen apart just as much as he had during those twelve long years apart from each other.


End file.
